


Strawberries and cigarettes

by Mantsuuria



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 15:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mantsuuria/pseuds/Mantsuuria
Summary: He should have known. He should have known from the start. And he thought he did. He really thought he knew, but he didn't.





	Strawberries and cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> This is first time I write something like this and first time I post on AO3. I hope this is not a complete fail. I got inspired by this song by Troye Sivan and needed to write something.

He should have known. He should have known from the start. And he thought he did. He really thought he knew, but he didn't.

Saying it does not matter and denying all the feelings did nothing to ease the pain of the knowledge he has now.

He thought he could change him. Or that he had changed him. He hoped something that was nothing. At least to the other. To him it was everything. The touches, the kisses, the laughs shared, the car rides at night, the small runaways they had. It meant so much, but now it is nothing.

The warmth is gone. The hope of the future nowhere to be seen. It was stupid of him, but in that small amount of time he forgot how to live without the other. How could he continue, when the light of his days is gone.

He dreams of strawberries and cigarettes. So sweet, but so bitter. Somehow the taste reminds of home. Now the emptiness tastes like nothing. He feels unprotected. Unlike he should.

The trouble maker in his life is gone. The one who never loved anyone. The one who he thought was different. But he is not. He is exactly like everybody described him. A player. Charming like a rose that hides its spikes under the beauty.

He really thought he was different for the other. He thought they shared something more. Something that neither of them had ever felt before.

He was wrong.

He should have known. He should have known from the start, that Mark was really heartless. That he was nothing more than a player he was said to be. He never saw Jaemin in the way he hoped. He was just a prey. A toy to play with. Something to waste his extratime on. Someone who meant actually nothing to him in the end.

He was fooled, even though he knew that Mark never felt anything near to love or guilt. He knew, but he didn't, because he still believed there was something else between them.

However, now Mark was gone. He is somewhere faraway. Somewhere where Jaemin can not find him. Only memories left behind. But he still does not regret it.

No, he regrets nothing. Because in the end, Mark was beautiful. He was funny, kind, cold, brave, scared, bruised, hurt, warm, lonely, but beautiful in every aspect. He maybe played with Jaemin like he was a toy. But he held him like he was a porcelain doll that should not be played with. He kissed and touched him like he could crack anytime and fall to pieces.

His heart did end up in pieces. He hates Mark. He despises his complete existence with full passion. But he still wishes to be in his arms. If he would ever come back Jaemin would walk straight to him. No question. It is stupid. However, he cannot help it. Even after all of this he cannot forget him. Not now, not ever.

He's been a fool, but strawberries and cigarettes always tastes like him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I was thinking I maybe publish later a full version of this where there is on actual plot and dialogue.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading whatever this is!


End file.
